The Biggest Thing Holding Back Your Career

Here’s what we’ll be covering together:

Let’s discuss professional self-esteem and how it impacts career growth and well-being. I’ll talk about how imposter syndrome blocks your performance and why it’s particularly present in the tech industry. I’ll also give you ways to improve your professional self-esteem to improve your career and personal well-being.

Full Transcript

Please note: The transcripts are autogenerated and may contain errors.

Hey If you're watching this, you're probably someone working in the tech industry, maybe an engineer, a product manager, or even a senior leader. And you're starting to realize that the biggest thing holding you back in your career might just be  I'm Danielle, a wellness adviser with 20 years of experience in the tech industry. Before I became a coach, I spent my time in various roles from s integrator to director of engineering at companies ranging from scrappy startups to Fortune 500 giants.

I've been exactly where you are. Navigating high stress environments, constantly adapting to rapid change and wondering if I was good enough to be in the room. Let me share a quick story. A few years ago, I had to give a big talk in front of 500 people about a new product. The night before, I was so scared I could hardly breathe.  Even though I'd done good work for years, I was sure everyone would think I was a fake. Does that sound like something you felt? That moment became a turning point in my career. I realized that my technical skills weren't what was holding me back. It was my relationship with my professional self. Today, I want to talk about something we don't discuss enough in the Professional self-esteem.

This isn't about surface level confidence or giving yourself a pep talk in the mirror. It's about how you fundamentally see yourself in your career and how that perception shapes every moment you make, every risk you take, and every opportunity you either seize or let pass by. So, grab a coffee, get comfy, and let's talk. Let's start with the basics.  What exactly is Professional self-esteem is how you see your skills, your value, and your potential at work. It's that little voice in your mind that says, "I belong here." Or, "I'm a fake, and soon everyone will know it." It's the difference from how you feel about yourself in front in other parts of your life. Hang on, go back.

It's different from how you feel about yourself in other parts of life. You might feel great as a parent, friend, or neighbor, but still doubt yourself at work. This happens a lot in tech where the bar seems constantly high and the goalposts are always moving.  In highstakes careers like tech, where the landscape shifts constantly and the pressure to perform is high, your self-esteem becomes more than just a nice to have. It's a career necessity. Why? Let's break it down with some concrete examples. When your professional self-esteem is strong, you share your ideas in meetings without worry.

You ask for a raise or promotion because you're worth it. You say no when you need to, skipping that late night call that could wait until tomorrow. You try new things without falling apart when they don't work perfectly. You take feedback as helpful information, not as a personal attack. You build real friendships with co-workers instead of always trying to prove yourself.  and you make choices with confidence even when you don't have all the answers. Let's imagine a scenario. Let's say your name is Maya and you are a brilliant architect who constantly delivers exceptional work.

But in meetings, you always start with things like this might be silly, or I'm not sure this makes sense, but even though you have great ideas, you make yourself seem small before anyone else can. What does that cost you? you're blocking your team from using more of your ideas.  You're blocking invitations to speak at big events and you're blocking your promotion in six months. Yikes. Let's talk about why this matters in real life. Tech loses amazing talent every day.

Not because people lack skills, but because they don't believe in their skills. Studies show that people with lower self-esteem are much less likely to share new ideas, much more likely to experience burnout, and much less likely to apply for jobs unless they meet all the requirements. These aren't just numbers. They're real careers that are getting stuck.  Low self-esteem also costs you money. When you don't ask for more pay, you don't just lose money for that year, you lose money for your whole career. If you block yourself from a $10,000 raise at age 30, you're blocking $350,000 by the time you retire. And it's not just about money. Always doubting yourself is stressful.

That stress can make you feel anxious, sad, and even sick. let's talk about how low self-esteem shows up in work, especially if you're a leader. You might think once you become a manager or boss, these feelings go away. But they don't.  Sometimes they get worse because they feel like there are higher stakes. Sometimes they get worse because the stakes feel higher. Here are some signs I see in tech leaders. Saying sorry too much. Starting emails to bother you or something else when you have nothing to be sorry for.

Trying to be perfect. Working on a presentation all night when it was already good enough at dinnertime. Not being able to take a compliment. When someone says, "Great job," you say, " it was nothing." Or, "I just got lucky." Afraid to let others do their work. You think, "I'll just do it better myself." And end up with too much to Avoiding hard talks.  You don't give feedback or you disagree with ideas because you're afraid people won't like You overprepare. You spend three hours getting ready for a 30 minute meeting just because you're scared of not knowing an answer. Always comparing yourself. You look at what others are doing and only see how you fall short. Unable to make decisions.

You need everyone's input before making a call, even on things Not taking credit. When a project does well, you point to everyone else and ignore your own big role. Not being able to ask for what you need. You struggle to ask for money, tools, or help that your team desperately needs. Let's play the imagination game again.  Imagine you are named James and you are super smart. But in big meetings, you make yourself small. You talk quietly. You don't look at other people and you never challenge other bosses even when their ideas would cause tech problems. Is it possible that even though you have the big title, you still see yourself as just a lucky coder who

Is it possible that even though you have the big title, you still see yourself as just a coder who got lucky? This shift in mindset can change everything from how you stand up for your team. Does this sound familiar? You're not alone.  In private surveys, seven out of ten tech leaders say they doubt themselves a lot, no matter how successful they look to others. It's tiring and worse, it keeps you stuck in patterns that limit not just your career growth, but also how much you enjoy the success you already have.

let's get real about the elephant in the room. Impostor phenomenon, also known as imposttor syndrome. The term was first coined by psychologist Pauline Chance Clance, sorry, and Suzanne in 1978, but it's particularly relevant in today's tech landscape.  That's the feeling that you are not as smart or as good as others think you are. And soon they'll find out you're a In this feeling is everywhere. Why? Tech changes so fast you'll never know everything. New coding languages and tools come out all the time. Just when you learn one skill, five new must-h have skills pop up. The pressure to do well is huge.

With big paychecks comes the feeling that you must be amazing all the time. Tech sometimes loves a brilliant jerk which makes you feel like you have to prove how smart you are all the time. We see success stories that don' This is going a little bit fast.  We see success stories that don't tell the whole truth. We see tech stars but rarely hear about their failures and struggles. When imposttor syndrome takes over, it can stop your career growth in real ways. You might not apply for that leadership job because you think you're not ready, even though you've been leading without a title for years.

You might stay quiet in meetings, letting others take credit for your ideas because you doubt yourself. You might work too hard to prove you belong, which leads to burnout. You work late. You work weekends and hurt your health, trying to show you deserve your job. Play it safe with tech, sticking to old solutions instead of trying new ideas that might fail but might also lead to big breakthroughs.  Let's imagine again your name is Elena and you are a great data scientist who makes models that help your company make big money. But when a director of AI job opens up, you don't apply even though you have all the skills. Why? I know Python and SQL very well, but the job mentions Scala, and I've only used it once.

Meanwhile, your male coworker with less experience applies and gets the job. Why? he didn't block himself. He looked at the scholar requirements and laughed. He figured he would learn it if he needed to. This is how imposttor syndrome hurts careers, especially for women and minorities in tech who may already feel like outsiders.  The worst part, you think you're the only one who feels this way, but you're I promise. In fact, some of tech's most admired leaders have openly discussed their struggles with imposttor feelings. Cheryl Samberg from Facebook wrote books on feeling like a fraud.

Mike Cannon Brooks, co-founder of Atlassian, has TED talks on imposttor syndrome. Even Albert Einstein is sometimes credited with having imposttor syndrome. It has nothing to do with your actual requirements. It has everything to do with the thoughts you create in your head. Before we talk about fixes, let's understand what happens in your brain when you doubt yourself at work. When you feel like or, a part of your brain called the amygdala turns on. This sends stress chemicals throughout your body, putting you in a mild fightor-flight state.

In this state, the thinking part of your brain doesn't work as well. This is why you might freeze when someone asks you a surprise question in a meeting, even though Or why great ideas come to you in the shower, but disappear when someone puts you on the spot.  The good news, your brain can change. You can build new brain paths throughout your life. This means that with practice, you can rewire how your brain responds to work challenges. Studies show that self-esteem isn't just about feeling good. It helps you bounce back from setbacks, solve problems faster, and be a stronger leader.

So, how do we fix this? This is where my coaching comes in. I've made it just for high achievers like People in tech who are smart, driven, and ready to break free from these mind traps.  My approach is different because it's built just for tech. I'm not giving you fluffy confidence tips. I'm giving you strategies made for tech and leadership roles in fast-paced changing environments. We focus on three main areas. Emotional intelligence, learning about your self-t talk and how it changes what you do.

We use proven methods to find your thought patterns and create personal strategies to change them. For example, one client believed that once she reached a certain level, she should know everything without asking questions. We worked to replace this with a belief that valued learning over knowing everything. We also focus on habit design, creating daily practices that boost your confidence.

These aren't vague positive sayings. They're real behaviors that gradually change how you show up at work. We might start with a wins journal where you write down small successes every day or create a premeating plan that helps you feel centered before big talks. We also practice setting boundaries, learning how to say no without feeling bad, and how to ask for what you need at work.  This includes planning hard conversations ahead of time and practicing them until they feel natural. We can even create specific words to use with product managers that show boundaries as good for the product and good for personal limits. My program comes in different forms to match your needs. If you're a do-it-yourselfer, we have self-study.

You taught yourself how to program computers. Surely you can teach yourself how to reprogram your mind. We have group coaching for peer review. Folks, the value of working with your team to deliver results. So, join us for a group program with accountability and community. Or we have one-on-one deep dives. Maybe you really want to dive into the root causes blocking your progress.  I'm happy to guide you through that journey of self-awareness. But listen, you don't have to jump into a full program if you're not ready. That's why I created something simple to get you started. Our 5-day challenge

The fiveday stay calm challenge is designed as a low commitment, high impact introduction to this work. Here's what happens. Spoiler alert, you'll receive a bite-sized daily activity in your inbox for 5 days. No stress, just a simple way to start making changes.  Now, these approaches can help you manage your feelings more effectively and respond to challenges with a clearer mindset. By incorporating these techniques, you can slow down and shift away from the unhelpful chatter in your head. You'll also get a daily emotion identification worksheet to help you carry these skills beyond the 5-day challenge.

The program gives you just enough structure to start creating new habits while giving you the flexibility to start with whatever busy schedule you have right now.  The 5day stay calm challenge is completely free. It's my way of providing you immediate value while giving you a taste of my approach. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. For those of you ready to go deeper, head to www.gethabits.com

i: get betterhabits.com to find the program that fits your preferences. I hope you do. The money difference between staying at your level versus moving up is often 20 to $50,000 more in tech jobs. The emotional cost of constant self-doubt can lead to physical ailments and medical expenses. The missed chances for innovation when you hold back your ideas can take all the fun out of your career.  And the personal cost of bringing work stress home can strain relationships with people you care about. When you look at it this way, investing in your professional self-esteem becomes not just reasonable but necessary.

Here's the deal. If anything I've said today hits home for you, the 5day challenge is your next step. It's a small, easy way to try this work. Each day, you'll get a short, useful tip right in your inbox. No extra stuff, just simple, doable steps to start building your professional self-esteem.  By the end of the five days, you'll know if this path feels right for you, and you'll already see changes in how you show up at work. So, if you are tired of feeling stuck, second-guessing yourself, or waiting for someone to finally notice how talented you are, let's stop waiting. The tech world needs your full brilliance, not the smaller version that self-doubt creates.

Your team needs your best ideas, not just the ones you're comfortable sharing. And you deserve to feel your worth and see Sign up for the 5-day challenge now and let's start building the kind of confidence that moves your career forward. I'll see you in your inbox.  Thank you for spending this time with me today. Remember, your greatest career limitation isn't your skills or experience. It's how you see yourself. And that's something we can change together. Sign up for the 5-day challenge today and let's begin. Bye now.