Balancing Your Daily Hustle: 4 Ways to Rebalance Your Time and Energy
Questions Answered
Why am I stretched thin?
What’s in my way?
How do I rebalance?
How can employers help?
Full Transcript
Coach Dani: Hello, wonderful friends. I'm Danielle Hagerty and welcome to Habits Hub, your Cozy Corner for mastering life one habit at a time using proven psychology and design principles. As women balancing multiple roles and responsibilities building positive routines can be transformative. Here we go beyond quick tips to truly understand the “why” behind our behaviors. Together we'll craft sustainable habits to help you feel more energized, focused, and fulfilled whether that means kickstarting is self-care morning ritual, streamlining your day for better work-life balance or finding pockets of time for your passions. Our compassionate approach has helped women like you make lasting, meaningful changes. Subscribe at www.getbetterhabits.com to become an insider and claim your free consultation to dive deeper into designing your ideal life rhythm. Are you ready to invest in yourself and finally make those positive habits stick? Let's get started.
Coach Dani: Alright, so why am I stretched thin? That tends to be a question we all ask ourselves at some point in our day or week or year, and it's usually because we are juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. Plus, the world is changing constantly from year to year. So it's very easy to feel stressed and burned out. Let's imagine Sarah. She's probably gonna sound a little familiar. But let's imagine Sarah and her daily routine. Let's say that she wakes up at 6 am. Rolls out of bed, finds the coffee pot, maybe listens to a podcast, or whatever helps her kind of start her day. And then her brain turns on.
She's got too many things to do. The kids have to get to school on time; lunches have to be made. There are fire drill emails from work. There are scam emails from the crazy world around us, and maybe today she has to take her mom to the doctor so fitting that in somewhere. She would like to exercise, but that may be falling off the plate as that list goes on and on. And she's really trying to cook real food for her family, but maybe cooking is not something she learned in school. So Sarah feels like she's drowning in chaos. And guess what? Sarah's not alone. Studies show that 86% of women surveyed are some version of Sarah. They are feeling more stressed out this year than they were last year. And so the feeling is not going away.
Hopefully, Sarah sounded somewhat familiar to you, especially if it's 86% of us. That struggle for balance is real, but what does it truly mean? Balance isn't about equal time to all of the things. It's about figuring out the different dimensions in life that are important to you and how much time and energy you want to spend on them. You can choose where you focus so that you only spend time and energy on what matters to you. I like to think of it like you’re a sailboat in the middle of the ocean. Wide open spaces, no lines, no paths already defined. Each water has different depths, different fish in it, different waves, headed in a different direction, even a different port of call.
And so each of those slices within our ocean are the different slices of life. You label them with whatever you want to make your life about, whether that's financial stability, great friends, healthy family, hobbies, education–anything, right? The list can be very long. But, finding out what those labels are is a key starting point for finding balance. The next step is trying to find the time and attention that you want to give to each of them. Not everything can be the first priority. So learning to flex your time and attention to what is the most important thing right now is a skill that you'll want to learn and build.
Research shows that the payoff for learning that skill is improved mental health, job satisfaction, and overall happiness and fulfillment. However, it's not easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it but there are so many challenges in life. It can be caretaking duties, cultural narratives you face, workplace biases, or financial considerations. I mean, I get it, right? We all pay bills, and so at the end of the day, that might be nice pie-in-the-sky talk. But, reality can be frustrating and challenging, blocking and getting in the way of us reaching our goals.
So, the first step is just labeling and finding out what's important to you. And then checking if you need to rebalance. So let's talk about the signs of imbalance like fatigue health strain relationships and see if you're in need of rebalancing your time and attention.
Coach Dani: All right, let's talk about what’s getting in your way. What barriers do you face when you're trying to manage your time and attention? If you remember our fictional friend, Sarah, she had several blockers. Sarah doesn't actually know how to cook, so it gets really frustrating when she's trying to cook for her family and she wastes a lot of time scrolling through YouTube trying to find some sort of recipe she can pull off and gets frustrated. She feels anxious when she's at school pick-up and all the other moms look like they have it together, and she feels like she's falling apart.
She may get frustrated with her spouse when he comes home, and he's drained from work, understandably, and just wants to sit in front of the TV and relax while she really needs a helping hand. But maybe she doesn't know how to ask for that, express that, or share that with him in some constructive way.
Exercise, which used to be the way she destressed and cleared her head, has completely fallen off the plate. And so she's even lost her self-care routine in the process. Lately, she hasn't been sleeping really well, so that's draining her energy because she's not getting a good night's rest and instead, her brain is on fire in the middle of the night trying to figure out if she saved that presentation in the right place for the meeting today? Did she sign all of the school permission slips? Is there anything else that she's forgetting that she needs to prepare for the next day? And that's just one day of blockers, right? Sarah's probably got a long list as you go week to week, month to month, year to year.
You can choose how you respond to your blockers so that you only spend time and energy on what matters to you. You control your mind, your words, and your behaviors. So if you experience any of the following, take a moment to write them down and then consider how to reframe them to reach your goal. Sometimes our blockers are completely within our control because they're related to our words our thoughts and our behaviors. So, let's go through what some of those might look like. Your own beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes towards how you spend your time and energy are either helping you or hurting you. And that's typically what we call the “inner critic” or the “inner advocate.” So if you're playing a sound bite over and over in your head that says, “you're not doing it, right,” write that down and reevaluate if you can reframe it in a positive way.
Sometimes we feel guilt, shame, or regret or worry. Are you doing it right? Do you do it like your parents do it? Do you do it like society does it? There are a lot of ways that we can get into that thought loop, too. And so when you do catch yourself doing that write it down and see if there's a way to positively reframe it. One easy step to reframing is to look for the negative words, the “no’s” and “not’s,”--usually a contraction. I “can't” do it or I “don't” do it. Then cross out that negative word and reread that sentence that you wrote as “I can do it” or “I do it”. See if that change helps change the way you approach things.
Sometimes a blocker is simply a lack of skills. In our example, Sarah doesn't know how to cook. So what can she do to build that skill and build her confidence? Not sleeping tends to be a big blocker for a lot of people, and I am a huge advocate of sleeping properly. That's how the body and the brain recharge, refresh, provide clarity, and I think devoting the proper time and attention to sleep should be on everyone's life domain list.
Any health issues that you face can be blockers and sometimes you can control those. Sometimes you can't, right? Usually, you're working with a medical professional, and you have some sort of treatment plan that you're following so actually sticking to that plan and following the directions can help you remove a blocker that's getting in your way. And sometimes the blockers are the relationships around us, right? Are we inadvertently stressing the relationship, or is the relationship stressing us? Right? Sometimes we allow relationships to get toxic, and maybe they don't serve us anymore. Alternatively, maybe we don't know how to express ourselves at that moment. And so we're not getting the support from that other person. And so that strain can be a blocker, too.
So, there are lots of ways that are in our control actually that we can make changes around and remove a lot of the blockers. Now, not every blocker is in our control. There are a lot of things that are external. These are simply things that we can influence maybe, or are just facts of life. And so I do want to focus on the facts of life parts. We're all in different phases of life. There are eight billion people on the planet going through eight billion different realities and experiences. Some of us are in the early phase where we're dating and out and kind of exploring and learning. Some are starting a family, so they have babies or little ones and the challenges that come with trying to bring life into the world.
Others are sustaining a family. Maybe your kids are nearly adults or are adults that moved out. So how are you as a family coping with those changes in your life? Maybe there's been a big event, maybe a natural disaster-type event, or a natural loss where there's been a death in the family. And so, as a family, you're rebuilding either from an emotional or a physical challenge that's happened.
A lot of us are in that “sandwich” generation. So, aging parents and how we take care of them and make sure that they're getting what they need in addition to ourselves, our partners, and our children. So, there are many ways that we show up each day. As a caretaker, as a caregiver for ourselves, for our family, for our friends, for employees if you're in management at work, and for your community if you're participating in your church or community activities. And so the phase of life can be a lot of external factors and blockers. So, giving yourself the grace to realize that some things are not in your control is a good way to help start rebalancing your time and energy.
Coach Dani: Quick coach, tell me how! I get it, I know. So, how do you rebalance your time and energy? It requires a proactive approach and a willingness to make changes. You can choose where you focus so that you're only spending time on what matters to you. But, the big word in that statement is YOU. You are the one who takes the action and so that can be daunting to even know how to start. So let's start with just some general ideas, and then we'll dive into my favorite.
Change might look like any one of these or something else, depending on who you are. First, one idea is to create clear boundaries, whether they're physical or time-based or location-based. Just some boundaries for each area of your life. And that helps remind you what that time is for and may signal to others that you're available or not available. So, for example, there's a natural one if you work in an office, right? So, leaving home and going to work–that environmental change–creates a boundary that creates clear signals. If you're working at home where it's a little bit more blended, you may just shut a door. If this door is open, it's home time. If it's closed, it's work time. So, think about different boundaries that you might be able to start putting in your life.
Accept that change is always happening. That's a big one that can help. Thinking about things that maybe served you in the past but don't serve you now is a great list to start creating because those are things that maybe you can remove and make room for something new. That new is the thing that you want to start doing to reach your goal. Life is always changing, so it's okay if you need to change, too.
Another great one is building a support network around you. Change is hard if you're trying to do it by yourself. So remember you have loved ones. You have friends. You have professionals at work that can help you. You also have professionals in your community whether their coaches or therapists. I really do believe in the buddy system. It was useful on school trips for not getting lost or left behind, and it's still useful as an adult for not getting lost or left behind. So, please do consider the people you have around you, and if there's a gap, think about how you might fill it to get the support that you need.
My favorite tip, though, for getting started on rebalancing how you spend your time and energy is simply your calendar. I don't know what your calendar practice is today, whether it's digital or on paper, sticky notes, or anything, but now's the time to start investing in it. Pick your favorite mode–digital or paper, it doesn't matter–what matters is if it’s something that you want to interact with. So maybe it has to be colorful. Mine has to be colorful. Maybe it's the location where you keep it so that you remember to use it. Maybe that it's portable so it's always around you on your phone. Whatever is going to entice you to play with it; to really interact with your calendar. That's step one.
The benefits of the calendar that I find are that it helps us practice things that we're told all the time but maybe we don't do. There's tremendous value in writing things down, but I guarantee that not all of us write down everything we should. So, the calendar kind of forces that. It says, “Hey, for this time and this length, I'm going to do this task, or I'm in this meeting, or I'm going to this school event, or I'm going to Zumba”–whatever it is. It really helps you make things real and helps you realize how long things take. That's a weakness for me; I tend to think things take five minutes. They don't! So my default block is usually a 60-minute block to overcome my inability to guess time as a human.
It also creates built-in boundaries, and those boundaries can be automated or built upon with alerts or reminders. So, on your calendar usually you're selecting a start and end time, and you can add to that if it's digital with different “do not disturb” features of your phone or your device. You can add in alerts or reminders to help you know when it's time to do something, or when it's time to end. So that's another reason why I love the calendar.
I love that it forces you to get specific. I talked about it a little bit earlier. You have to select the start and end time. You have to select who, where, what day, so it helps us practice really being specific about our commitments. I love that it's easy to create and update. For me, I put my default of what I want to do with my time on my calendar, and that way when new ideas come in, I have something to compare it to. I can say that that is the better use of my time that day, and I can move things around. Or I can delete good ideas that were great ideas last week, but may not be good ideas this week, and so I can say I don't want to do that anymore, and I can delete it. I love the flexibility it gives, and I think that's true in life, where there's a lot more flexibility than we realize.
It's very shareable, too. You can use the privacy settings that make it as open or as private as you like, and share it with your colleagues or your family or your friends. So they know when you are available, and you don't have to keep telling them.
And, the thing that I found truly beneficial is not having a work calendar and having a life calendar, but getting them as entwined as possible. Having all of your domains in one view–whether that's church or financial tasks that you want to do, or hobbies that you want, or to start classes you want to take, or work commitments. Whatever it is. It really helps. You understand how you're spending your 24 hours a day. And that, to me, is very powerful.
So, with a little practice, these small intentional changes can unblock many things you need to create the life you want and deserve. So start with your calendar and build a strong habit about where you spend your time. Chances are you're probably going to spend a lot of time at work. So, in the next section, we'll talk about how employers fit into the puzzle.
Coach Dani: A lot of us spend time at work–it's inevitable, right? You need to pay bills. Some of us, depending on our role, are responsible for employees–whether we're a manager, maybe we sit in the C-suite, maybe we're trying to become a manager so there are future things we need to think about. What's great is in that position, you can choose where the organization focuses so that you help your employees focus on what matters. You're a built-in support network already! The easiest way to start wearing that hat is to simply have a conversation with your people. They can quickly share what’s working, what's not working, and ideas for improvement. Periodically you'll want to check in and see if you’re on track, if you're meeting what they were imagining, or if you've gone off course in some way.
Having that check-in conversation helps them trust that you do have their well-being at heart. It is a partnership to create a caring supportive culture. And with you leading by example and going first and asking a question, you'll start building that environment that's needed for employees to feel comfortable to express their needs, wants, and desires. I don't know if you've ever worked in root cause analysis, but there is a practice called the “5 Why’s.” And, it typically takes asking why five times before you get to the actual heart of what's wrong. So don't expect the first conversation to go deep, or to be the right thing to work on, but it's necessary to start building that trust to get to the things that really matter. So be gentle and be patient.
To help you prepare and anticipate that conversation, let's talk about some common requests. A lot of times people will want to talk about flexible work arrangements. If I need to be flexible about where I am, and who I'm picking up, and what I'm dropping off, and all of those things, then being in an office can be a blocker. So, be ready to have that conversation about what you're able to support.
Paid leave policies are high on the list of things that help people balance their lives because care takes time and money. So, help your folks with some options. Do consider child care and elder care. A lot of folks are in the “sandwich” generation. In fact, your kids might be having this conversation at their workplace! So, what subsidies, referrals, or tangible help can your company support?
Employee assistance programs. I don't think any of us learned everything in school. So, a lot of times as we're entering the different phases of life there are things we don't know, and that's scary. So having access to counselors or coaches, support groups or educational resources, any expert that can help point us in the right direction will go a long way to helping your employees.
How about your leaders? Leadership training is super important in a topic like this. They also probably didn't learn in school how to identify someone who needs help and support. They may not know all the resources available at your company, and everyone looks to them as the model behavior. So what are they saying, and more importantly, what are they doing to balance their life, set reasonable expectations, and coach for success? If your leaders aren't able to do those behaviors, then how are you expecting everyone else to do that?
Sometimes, competing systems are getting in the way of folks being able to find their balance. Performance management typically becomes a big one. Is your system designed to reward a balanced life, teamwork, and shared community? Or, do your incentives encourage excessive overtime, road warriors, weekend work, or an “always on” culture? That mismatch is very obvious to your employees and is something you may want to address.
And finally, mentorship programs. Mentoring goes both ways. Having experienced women teaching younger employees how to navigate personal and professional needs goes a long way. A double bonus is having younger employees teach experienced ones which helps the organization thrive at all levels. Of course, younger women are running into challenges that us more experienced ones haven't faced before, so having that dialogue is very important for both people growing and developing. Create pairs or buddies in your organization to unlock this magic.
Now, I've heard many leaders repeat the phrases: “how can I help” and “I have an open door policy.” A lot of times, those words feel meaningless to your employees because they haven't seen the action behind them. Start that conversation with the question, show people what you're working on, and take visible action. Keep it front and center. That's how you build trust. Your follow-through is what will get noticed–or your lack of follow-through–which is sometimes the case. If any of these actions sound daunting, let's find a small step for you to try. First, start with this conversation and see what happens.
Coach Dani: Alright, so hopefully our conversation today has shown you that spending time on what matters to you is achievable and is something that you can start doing today. You can reclaim your health, your well-being, and your zest for life by taking intentional steps and advocating for positive change. You can also choose where you focus so that you spend time only on what matters to you. Rebalancing your life offers improved mental and physical health, enhanced productivity, better relationships, greater job satisfaction, and increased happiness and life satisfaction. I know those sound amazing to me, which is why I practice it every day. I hope that inspires you to start taking your first steps.
In today's topic, we've covered four key steps to get you started with rebalancing your time and energy. So if you remember, the first one was simply identifying the areas of life that are important to you. Try writing 10 down. 10 may sound daunting at first, but once you get going and thinking about community, spirituality, financial stability, health–all of the things–that list is going to fill up pretty fast.
The second topic was identifying if the barriers are something within your control. If it's not your words, your thoughts, or your behaviors, there may be nothing you can do about it at this time, and it may not be worth your time and energy. So, evaluating whether that barrier is something you can take action on is an important way to figure out if it's worth your time and energy
The third one was my favorite. It's getting cozy with your calendar. Write down how you spend your time as a base that can be shared, automated, or reassessed. I find that so helpful in my own life, and I hope it brings you as much joy as it gives me.
Fourth, talk to the people around you. I know that sounds scary, but it's pretty easy to do if you just start with a question. Many things that we want in work and life tend to require shared time and energy. So ask the people around you. Get their inputs. How can you help them balance their time and energy and focus, and how can they help you do the same? Once you create a team sport, it makes it a lot more fun!
Remember, your health and well-being are invaluable assets. Invest in yourself and watch as the ripple effect of a balanced life positively impacts everything that you want. And, remember you are not alone. You have a support network already in your family, friends, and coworkers. And if they don't have the skills or feel like the right audience, there's other support available. We are certainly here at Better Habits to support you on your transformative journey. You can join our community at www.getbetterhabits.com for content like this, personalized coaching, or upcoming events. There's also other coaches, therapists, and trainers available through other methods that just may simply be a Google search away.
Your happier, healthier, more balanced life is waiting, and I really hope that you start now with these simple steps to align what you want with how you spend your time and energy.
Coach Dani: As we wrap up for today, I want to remind you that building better habits is an incredible act of self-care. By investing time to understand yourself and design routines to align with your priorities, you're actively crafting a life you'll feel proud of. If any part of today's lesson resonated with you or sparked an “ah ha” moment, I'd love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts. Your experiences and perspectives help make this a rich community for all of us. If you're feeling inspired to begin your habit transformation journey, visit getbetterhabits.com to explore our personalized coaching options and join our amazingly supportive network of women taking charge of our lives one habit at a time. Remember you have immense power to shape your days and steer your journey. Keep taking those purposeful steps forward, and I'll see you again soon.
